Amidst game-watching and Labor Day barbecues, I learned something this weekend. An out of town guest from St. Louis left his mark on Chicago by sharing a trick to make burgers stay juicy when you grill them. See those holes that were poked in each hamburger patty? That’s the secret to a juicier burger, friends. That’s all it takes.

So how does it work?

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I’ll admit it: I like burgers.

Ever since the day I could fit one in my mouth, hamburgers have taken on a steady role in my repertoire of things to order. Of course that list has expanded immensely since, but if all else fails, the burger is still my standby. So, needless to say, I had to try one in Amsterdam.

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A friend once told me, “Smylie, you could be eating anything, doesn’t matter what it is, and you’d be happy.”

She didn’t mean it as a compliment.

Still, there is some truth to that. SOME. I’ll quantify it this way: The act of eating–more specifically, the act of eating with others–is one of those things I cherish, one of those things that makes this crazy mixed-up ol’ world worth living in. Aside from my ability to spot deliciousness on the most questionable menu (the burgers at 24 Hour Diner, though thin, positively melt with flavor in your mouth–much like these sliders on the site), aside from the curious improving effects alcohol and sleeplessness have on virtually any cuisine (”Hey, that place is called 24 Hour Diner! That sounds classy!“), there is something you can find at these greasy spoons you cannot find at, say, The French Laundry.

And that something is solidarity.

We were all united in varying degrees of inebriation, together in hunger, one in our eventual satiety. And when Freebird came on the radio, everyone–from the nerdy kid with the unkempt facial hair to the sweating frat behemoth with a Bears jersey to the bleach-blonde chick in faux-Gucci–swayed their burgers, cups, fries, and sang.

Maybe it’s the Irish in me, but anywhere you can virtually guarantee the patrons will eventually burst into song is my kind of place.

-Jim would still kill for a res at The French Laundry, though, seriously.

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I stumbled across a firestorm of a forum thread about a charming little place called The Heart Attack Grill this afternoon. In addition to the burgers of death pictured above, the Phoenix-based restaurant offers beer, cigarettes, and French Fries cooked in lard. Predictably, the forumites in question were incensed about the Grill’s unapologetically unhealthy chow; the usual “places like this are why we’re getting so obese” line came up, as well as a topic-within-a-topic about the poor dumb souls who eat McDonald’s every day.

Except… when it comes to selling unhealthy, body-punishing cuisine, this place is actually on the right track. Think about it: it’s called The Heart Attack Grill. Every item on the menu, it jokes(?), will kill you. It uses sarcasm and sexy nurse outfits to sell burgers, yeah, but beneath that layer of sleaze there’s a point: this food, eaten in abundance, can be terrible for you. Minimize Me results notwithstanding, that’s pretty true. Places like this are not the reason we’re obese; people coming to these places multiple times per week are the reason we’re obese.

When people start dieting or at the very least paying attention to what they eat, they tend to put food into “good” and “bad” categories. While there are some truly despicable foods out there (transfats, anyone?), for the most part no food is truly bad. You can have that hamburger with bacon occasionally and still live a long, healthy life! The human body is a flexible thing, and as long as you’re–and this is key–treating it right the rest of the time, it’ll take in that extra burger or pizza with minimal fuss.

What’s especially ironic here is, since all of The Grill’s frying is done in lard, it’s actually healthier than the transfat-laden fried junk at most fast food outlets. And most of those outlets are trying to update their image to appeal to more health-conscious Americans, putting forth the image that eating their food regularly is a good idea. I wonder who’s more insidious here: the proud Las Vegases of food joints, or the clean-cut snake-oil salesmen?

Eat what you want to, people, but do so in moderation, and exercise enough to work off whatever indulgences you allow. Sticking to a balanced diet and plenty of physical activity are what keep you healthy–not prohibiting the occasional hamburger.

-Jim will eat these molten cupcakes, for example, and then go running every day to compensate

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I have Jury Duty on Friday.

On the one hand, I’m a little excited, because Jury Duty is part of being a Real Adult and a Productive Citizen; on the other hand, oh, god, I’m going to listen to people debate traffic law for eight hours. It’s times like these I wish I’d spent my geek money on something a bit more portable than the hulking gaming brick currently sitting at my doorstep (yes, I’ve been checking Amazon Shipping all day).

But something struck me as I pondered my inevitable boredom: what kind of drink can I write about after being in Jury Duty all day? What epitomizes our justice system in a single glass of booze? I’m at a loss. Maybe something interminable, like an unpleasantly strong bitter cocktail that takes a million wincing sips to finish; something somehow flawed but still better than a lot of things, like a really good mixer missing one ingredient; something blind, like, uh, wood alcohol? I can’t decide. I hope one of you has a suggestion.

Oh, and in other news, eating food might kill us. Yes, again. Fortunately for those of you affected by the recall, we’ve got plenty of chicken burger recipes like this one to tide you over until all the germs go away. Bagged salad and spinach lovers are currently on probation.

Lastly: what should I eat to christen my new car? I’m thinking black bean quesadillas, because my car is black and looks delicious.

-Jim is somewhat random today, isn’t he?

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In addition to meeting Morimoto this weekend, I also went camping for the first time (I told you it was eventful!) Sure, I had gone on the occasional overnight camp outing when I was younger, but I had never gone real camping where I had to do the planning.

While there were various experienced campers speckled throughout the 10 of us that came, the majority of us were first timers unable to answer the questions: What are we going to do when we get there? How many tents do we need? How do you build a fire? (Don’t make fun…)

But I think the most important question of all (at least the one that rang through my mind over and over) was: What are we going to eat?

Ah yes, the concept of camp food alone bears a number of challenges. 1. Foods that require refrigeration have to survive travel to the campsite. 2. Uncooked foods must be easily-preparable by campfire. And in our case, 3. You have to have enough to feed 10 people!

Keeping in mind these obvious points was actually the easy part; organizing the group to bring certain items proved more difficult. We had a free-for-all. Since we were all coming from different directions, there were 4 cars of people. Essentially, each car took their own respective grocery trips (for which it felt like my car bought out the grocery store.) It sort of became a “bring whatever the hell you want to eat” fest, which surprisingly wound up working quite well.

We feasted on 30 hot dogs, 12 hamburgers (and their respective buns,) some varying amount of sausage (I didn’t bring it so I’m not sure), and pierogies for the main meal components. I thought I’d be hungry all night, but after throwing back two hot dogs and a hamburger throughout the night, I was stuffed.

Luckily for the pierogie-lovers (ok just me and Kim), we had a camping guru among us who happened to have a portable stovetop for camping (and the 8 person tent) along with every camping supply you could ever think of. A gas-heated stove, it was easier than ever to cook up those pierogies!

Not to mention, we had snacks and beverages galore. We had chips, chips, and more chips (potato, tortilla…AND pita) and all of the respective dips. We had marshmallows and graham crackers for some chocolate-less s’mores by the campfire. AND, despite recent butter flavor warnings, we even cooked….

POPCORN!

What more could you need? We didn’t go hungry, and as for the activities…we ate, and we ate, and we ate. And that was enough for me. Ok fine, we also went paddleboating and played guitar by the fire. But, preparing and eating the food was my favorite part. Often in the kitchen, you’ll have one person cooking by himself or herself, but during camping, it’s a group effort and that’s what makes it fun.

I was part of the grilling team. I prepped the buns for the meat to be put on which was quite the satisfying experience, haha. Not like there were actually teams, but if I had to pick I’d say our team (myself and David who grilled) was the best. I mean, those burgers and hot dogs were pretty darn delicious…

For the morning, we brought orange juice, bagels and bananas. Some of the others brought muffins and the feasting continued.

So now that I’m a camper, a happy one at that (couldn’t resist,) I have some words of advice:

Do not leave your food out overnight when everyone passes out, the animals will not only come around and eat it, they’ll scare the crap out of you and not let you sleep (ok so maybe that was just me.)

Oh, AND, make sure you bring lots of stuff…

-Hillary, hoping to sleep better on her next camping trip
Editor, Recipe4Living

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