In honor of the holiday weekend and the forthcoming warm weather (ahem, warm weather, did you hear me? you may arrive now!), I wanted to share a fun beverage with you today. I have a special place in my heart for sangria and I’m on the search for a perfect recipe. This one was pretty darn good and there wasn’t a drop left.

But before I give you the recipe, I want to impart some of my sangria knowledge onto you, dear readers.

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This past weekend, I took a road trip to a lovely little place called Lou-ah-ville to attend my very first Kentucky Derby! A subculture of Kentucky in its own right, you haven’t experienced Louisville if you haven’t seen the “Derby Life.” Honestly, the Kentucky Derby might as well be its own holiday there because it’s treated like such. And the beverage of choice: The Mint Julep.

Yes, every first weekend in May, the Kentucky Churchill Downs prepares to host over 180,000 Derby enthusiasts who come from both near and far. At multiple mint juleps per person, that’s almost 1 million Mint Juleps served in a day!

But they wouldn’t have it any other way. Everyone has their own recipe, but the official sweet little drink is made with mint syrup, Kentucky whisky, crushed ice, and crushed mint, served in a souvenir Derby glass of course.

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Oh god I am wired.

A combination of loud housemates, an overzealous cat, and all-too-vivid dreams of the undead kept me from getting much sleep last night. In addition to teaching me a lesson about sleep cycles (mysteriously, getting three hours of sleep is actually better than getting five), this experience learned me good about something else: too much caffeine.

I actually had time to stop at the gas station this morning. Why I didn’t grab something better from the grocery store across the street instead I’ll never know, but I chose in my infinite wisdom to inflict a combined 60 fluid ounces of Coca-Cola Zero on myself, in 20-ounce installments, throughout the day.

GOOD IDEA! I always wanted to try to jump out of my skin for eight hours straight. My leg is bouncing faster than Thumper’s, and I imagine my heart is filing for divorce right about now.

What should I have done instead? Gee, maybe follow my own freakin’ advice! I wrote a perfectly informative article about how to cut back on caffeine without cutting back on energy a while back. All good ideas. But did I even bring a banana with me? Nooooo…

Next time, I’ll eat one of these as my energy level dips:
Fat-Free Honey Granola Bars
Carrot Bran Muffins a la GirlaWhirl
Energy Packets

Because no energy boost is worth this…much…twitching.

-Jim Smylie can’t hit the keys properly anymodskljfldskfjsd

I have Jury Duty on Friday.

On the one hand, I’m a little excited, because Jury Duty is part of being a Real Adult and a Productive Citizen; on the other hand, oh, god, I’m going to listen to people debate traffic law for eight hours. It’s times like these I wish I’d spent my geek money on something a bit more portable than the hulking gaming brick currently sitting at my doorstep (yes, I’ve been checking Amazon Shipping all day).

But something struck me as I pondered my inevitable boredom: what kind of drink can I write about after being in Jury Duty all day? What epitomizes our justice system in a single glass of booze? I’m at a loss. Maybe something interminable, like an unpleasantly strong bitter cocktail that takes a million wincing sips to finish; something somehow flawed but still better than a lot of things, like a really good mixer missing one ingredient; something blind, like, uh, wood alcohol? I can’t decide. I hope one of you has a suggestion.

Oh, and in other news, eating food might kill us. Yes, again. Fortunately for those of you affected by the recall, we’ve got plenty of chicken burger recipes like this one to tide you over until all the germs go away. Bagged salad and spinach lovers are currently on probation.

Lastly: what should I eat to christen my new car? I’m thinking black bean quesadillas, because my car is black and looks delicious.

-Jim is somewhat random today, isn’t he?

Cue that “Ascent of Man” theme from the beginning of 2001.

That, my friends, is a soda cooling comfortably atop a CoolIT USB Beverage Chiller. a fun little doodad that plugs into your computer’s USB port and quickly uses a (mildly annoying) fan to cool a metal plate, upon which you rest the beverage of your choice. Lest you think I’m nerdy enough to buy something like this, I will note that while I probably am it was “re-gifted” to me by a friend just before he moved away, perhaps so whenever I sipped a soda during a 3 AM Halo game I’d think of him.

It seems to work, in a limited capacity, because the bottom of my Diet Coke was colder than the rest of it. Unfortunately the same could not be said for my cup of water (not pictured), but maybe styrofoam doesn’t take to the cooling plate quite so well as aluminum. Of course, my data’s all flawed since I bought the Diet Coke cold from a vending machine, but this only means more experimentation and an excuse to drink even more soft drinks! Perhaps I’ll turn it into a Weekly Libation project and cool some beer or vodka, too.

Geekery has never been so delicious. Now if only that fan hummed instead of buzzed…

Technology is so fun. I can’t wait til there’s a USB-powered hotplate to keep my bagel bites warm while I write the next Great American Novel.

-Jim worked out last night!

Tomorrow night, something wonderful is going to happen.

I’m going to a magical place, full of men in strange hats and indoor streams. Pretty ladies sing to you in foreign tongues, and they cook your food right on the table. Then you eat it–with sticks!

Thassright, my peoples, tomorrow night I’m going to the happiest place on earth: Disneyland Ron of Japan! As a precursor to the drunken revelry that’s sure to occur as I watch the Bears beat the football pants off the Chiefs at Soldier Field this Sunday, we’re having some more drunken revelry the night before at everyone’s favorite greasy, unhealthy, absolutely delicious teppanyaki restaurant. And while there, we’ll be sure to imbibe at least a few Super Mai Tais.

These things are delectable–and they are dangerous. I’ve tried to approximate the amount of alcohol used by Ron’s bartender in the recipe, but I’ll grill them for more exact measurements tomorrow. Suffice to say: you only need one or two to have a good night, and as a bonus, the doubled ingredients really intensify the flavor.

Have a good weekend!

-Jim reminds you all to always drink responsibly.

Ugh.

I won’t try to claim I’ve never drank ’til I couldn’t feel feelings anymore. I’m pretty sure doing so at least once is a requirement in college. But right now, a depressant that makes you prone to emotional outbursts doesn’t sound like the hottest idea in town.

If I were drinking, I would go find a pub that sold Hardcore Cider–a lovely hard cider brand (produced by the guys behind Samuel Adams but apparently unavailable in stores) that, for once, is sweet and crisp without tasting like an Alcopop. What is it about the few mass-produced ciders? After trying some microbrewed dry ciders and perrys I can hardly tolerate things like, guh, Hornsby’s. Tastes like somebody poured in an extra bag of sugar; no wonder the British think cider is for curious teenagers.

Go out and have a pint of the good stuff for me, folks. I’ll be nursing a pint of ice cream and wondering, as people often do, if I made a huge mistake.

-Jim will be more cheerful on Monday, especially if he gets to eat more of these

In a surreal twist, despite the excellent boozing I did in Vegas last weekend, the drink that impressed me most had no alcohol in it. That’s right, not one drop! I was in the Venetian’s bakery (open ’til 1 AM, which is a fantastic idea, by the way) Friday afternoon when I saw a fascinating bottle:

That’s right, rhubarb soda, in this case made by Dry Sodas. Now, we all know how much I love dry cider, but a dry soda? Intrigued, I bought two bottles and took them up to my room, where my buddies and I spent fifteen minutes trying to find a bottle opener We all had bottle openers on our pocketknives, but of course those were back in Chicago. Damn you, completely logical air safety laws!

So: how was it? In a word…interesting. I’ve never had a soft drink so dry in my life, nor one with such a pronounced rhubarb flavor. The taste kind of crackled on my tongue–took some getting used to, but by the next day I was sipping another bottle gleefully, my body perhaps thrilled to encounter something non-alcoholic during the trip. In the end it’s quite refreshing, and very different from any other soda I’ve ever imbibed.

As for why it belongs in a heretofore cocktail-only list: I bet it would be outstanding with vodka. Or possibly some gin!

So if any of you folks see this in your local late-night bakery (seriously, why don’t we have more of those?), be sure to pick up a bottle or two. What you mix it with from then on is your own business.

-Jim wonders how many of these recipes he could cook and eat in a row before, uh, dying

Vegas has changed since I was there last, man. I don’t know if I can go back again, everything is so…commercialized now. It’s like they don’t even care how much fun you have, they just want you to spend money.

Seriously, though, I only have three regrets from the weekend:

1) I didn’t bet higher during the best craps games of my entire life. Game one was spent adoring our shooter, a stone-faced Latino who hit point after point while I gleefully stacked up chip after chip. Game two had me as shooter–my favorite cocktail in one hand, dice in the other–nailing the point time and time again. At the height of my run I had money down on virtually every number on the table. When I finally rolled a 7 and ended it all, I was still up a couple hundred dollars.

2) I didn’t stop playing once I sevened out and lost a hundred dollars.

3) I left my plastic Eiffel Tower cup from the Paris in the cab on the way to the airport. A cup like that has sentimental value! At least, I’m fairly sure it does; the details of the evening in which I acquired it get kind of hazy around the tenth pint of Bulmer’s.

I know you all assume that the highlight of my trip was the craps game–or possibly the booze–but there’s a culinary revelation or two lurking in the wings here. One I’ll save for Friday, but one I’ll tell you right now:

Have you guys heard of “hanger steak”? I sampled this amazing cut of meat at the Mon Ami Gabi (yes, I went to the cheap steakhouse when my hotel had a Keller restaurant in it, no, I’m not made of money) and let me tell you, I’ll be keeping a sharp eye for the “butcher’s cut” in grocery stores from now on.

I’ve always been more interested in flavor than texture; it’s why I loved elk steaks so much out in Utah, and why I think “gamey” is a good thing. But this steak, when cooked properly, manages to combine amazing flavor with just the right amount of tenderness. I had it with some rich garlic butter and delightfully thin fries, sipping a fine red and watching Vegas go by through Gabi’s huge windows; that and a trip to the Nine Fine Irishmen pub were the perfect end to an outstanding weekend.

A note for fellow travelers, though: don’t sleepily pay a $50 upgrade fee to get into first class on a flight from Vegas to Phoenix. It’ll be the least satisfying forty minutes of your life.*

-Jim thinks people who bet on Don’t Pass are jerks

*Seriously. They don’t even have champagne.

As an office drone from sector 7-G, I routinely find myself tossing away styrofoam cups. Pretty much everyone is well aware that these cups just plain stink for the environment, with recycling efforts meeting minimal success. I felt bad after throwing away my bajillionth cup, so instead I started collecting them–and leaving myself messages a hell of a lot more effective than post-its on a cubicle.

What do you do with your non-recyclables?